After 15 weeks of pregnancy, I described it as this: "I finally just stopped fighting what was happening, relaxed and let the pain do its work. I stopped fighting what God was allowing, and surrendered my baby completely to Him, knowing that my child would be with Him, and I will meet my baby someday."
I'm absorbing the impact of missing someone so deeply that I never met, never felt, never heard. Last night I sat in bed and thought that I should go take something for my heartburn. Then I realized that I didn't have any...and I cried to my husband that I never thought I would miss heartburn, ever. I felt sadness as I easily buttoned my jeans, and looked at my BellaBand, now sitting forlornly with my other maternity clothes.
Where there is sadness, there is always a greater purpose. At the end of my day, at the end of my tears, at the end of my thoughts, there is this: hope. God has given me endless hope, and endless peace in everything. I will see my baby someday, and I am thankful for that. I am also thankful for the empathy I have gained for other women through this, and I am thankful that I can have more understanding and love for others because of this. God works all things together for good for those who love Him, and he bring joy renewed ever morning! Great is His faithfulness!
Endless thanks go out to those who have lifted us up in prayer and have poured out their support and love to us. I only pray that I can give back in my lifetime.
Blessings to you, and love and peace through the Lord Jesus Christ.
"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks. For this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
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This entry brings back my own recent memories of hope turned to despair turned to submission and turned back into hope. I suffered this loss three times last year and while I cannot comprehend God's purposes, I trust Him completely. And through the gift of learned empathy, the sweet offerings of love from others during a desperate time, and the cherished moments of closeness with my husband while we navigated the grief I saw God's love and felt His presence. He gives and takes away, but blessed be His name forever.
ReplyDeleteWe are praying for both you and Scott. He is faithful to fill your emptiness.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful expressions. Thank you so much for sharing. I am brokenhearted for you yet rest in that HOPE.
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