Ten Things Parenting has Taught Me

NOTE: Our main computer is currently flaking out, so I don't have access to a lot of my pictures. I hope to get a post up about the end of August, but we will see! In the meantime....

Today's culture, to me, seems vastly different from any before it. Any more, it is considered not only normal, but also acceptable that children throw temper tantrums and that teenagers are the most feared beast of this generation. The more I study the Bible, and the longer I parent, there are things that stand out clearly to me. Here are my Top Ten:

1: Children need to learn to obey.

Ephesians 6:1-3: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ^'Honor your father and mother'—which is the first commandment with a promise— ^'so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.'”

From the beginning, our children learn that their good choices lead to happy consequences, and that their bad choices lead to sad consequences. The entire basis for requiring them to obey is because of an order of authority. Daddy and Mommy obey God, and they obey us. The goal is that they learn the beauty of Jesus' obedience to God the Father in laying down His life for us. Understanding the obedience of Jesus Christ leads to what Ephesians speaks of-a desire to obey because you are part of God's family, and because you have a right desire for heavenly rewards. There is no shame is desiring the reward of obeying God, and children should be raised to know this!

On an immediately practical note, teaching that behavior has consequences will lead to a simpler life. Instruction on our part can often be said in one word: "Choose". All I have to say to my kiddos is, "choose", because we have a long-standing precedent that if they disobey there will be consequences (and what child wants to go sit in the car with one parent while their siblings get to finish out the shopping trip?). Nine times out of ten they shape up, cheer up, and behave themselves because they know dad and mom will follow through.

 

2. Parents need to do what is right before God.

Ephesians 6:4: "Fathers, do not exasperate your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."

Let's set the record straight: I have exasperated my children.

Let's get something else straight: As parents, Scott and I are responsible for what our young children understand, what they do, how they respond to any situation, their manners, and what they are learning.

Every time I see the Lord Jesus in Scripture, He was so patient with the most ridiculous people! And let's be honest, children can be ridiculous. But part of bringing them up, "in the training and instruction of the Lord", I believe, is teaching them what Jesus said, and did, and how much grace He gives. I am not afraid to apologize to my children, because I seriously mess up and am constantly understanding the grace of God more and more. I think children need to learn about grace by example, and learn about patience and kindness and faith and love by example. The very best I can do with that is point them to the Lord.

3. Healthy living is a necessity.

Proverbs 31:17: "She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks."

This one is pretty straightforward: If I can not live a healthy lifestyle, if I am not fit for tasks, if I am unable to do my work with cheerful ability, I should not ask my children (or my husband, for that matter) to do anything for me.

I realize that every situation is different, everyone's health is different, I am merely stating this fact as something I have learned. However, I do think it should be taken into serious consideration by every healthy, capable woman! 

4. I desperately need God.

Psalm 111:10: "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding. To him belongs eternal praise."

I can only teach my children what I know. Therefore, I need to know God. 

5. Understand the balance in the imbalance.

This is more practical application than anything else. 

There are times the children get sick. They puke all over, and it has to be cleaned up. Scott does the laundry, I clean the kiddos. It works, and it gets the job done. Granted, this job is done at 2 in the morning, so the next day will be slow and lackadaisical. 

There are times that I am sick, or Scott is sick, and part of survival is letting the kiddos watch a movie while we sack out on the couch next to them with a hot pack and a bottle of DayQuil (only sort of kidding on this one). 

Anyone who looks from the outside in can assume that a family has it all together, that the children never argue, and that the parents are always a team and always loving and understanding toward one another. This is true most of the time, but life isn't always perfect. There are runny noses to be wiped, dirty bums to be cleaned, and puke that happens. It is all part of life well lived, and patience learned, and grace in the every day muddle. I believe it is one way we learn to understand how God picks us up from our messes.

6. My marriage comes first.

Life can get very focused around the everyday, so much so that I forget my husband needs me too! We have to plan dates, plan time to just sit and relax. Take time to talk. Flirt, laugh, tease. Pray together, for each other. Parenting comes second to being married. Strength in marriage leads to teamwork and strength in parenting.

7. It is impossible to keep my children from everything.

 I don't want to keep them from everything, either. But there are those dreaded conversations, those times when Ava repeats a word because it sounded cool. And each time is a chance to say, "Those words do not honor God, and they do not please Him. If you need to exclaim over something, an appropriate phrasing would be _____." Ephesians 4:29: "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

 Sometimes siblings are mean, sometimes other kids are mean, and that's something to deal with. Learning to be kind when others are not, to establish boundaries ("If they are being rude or hurting you, tell them no and walk away. You should not let anyone hurt you."), to stand up for what is right, and to do it all in a way that honors God. Ephesians 4:2: "Be completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love."

And last but not least, I pray for my children. Whether it's praying with them in the middle of the night when they've had a bad dream, or praying for patience when they are being recalcitrant and I'm at my wit's end, or praying for their safety every time we walk through a parking lot, I pray for my children. When we discipline them, we pray with them; we pray that they learn to obey, and pray for wisdom for daddy or mommy.

I pray that they will have a desire and a longing to know God, to live lives that honor Him and glorify Him. That they will want to be like the Lord Jesus, and give Him first place as example for their lifestyle. 

Prayer is powerful; remembering that it is our communication with God the Father keeps it in proper perspective.

8. It is okay to give up what I want to do.

Philippians 2:3: "Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself."

As a child, and as a teenager, I was always incredibly frustrated if something didn't work out and plans for fun were ruined. As an adult, I became less selfish about them, and then as a parent, WOW! It was as if God designed parenting to weed out selfishness in our lives. Our plans rarely come out 100% as we intended, and I have learned to just be okay with it. God knows what we need, and we don't always need to go to every event that comes our way.

Beware: If you are not ready to give up your own agenda or your own wants, don't be a parent.   

9. Get Over Being Easily Embarrassed.

Many, many times, my children have asked me things that can either make my cheeks burn, my heart palpitate, and my knees weak, or can be a teaching moment. For everyone present, ha!

"Mommy, he has an ugly tattoo." (Very loudly in a store.) "Well, I don't prefer that tattoo either, but apparently they did. That's a choice they made." 

Let them learn early that they don't have to agree with everyone's choices. 

"Mommy, why does that man have a wheelchair?" (Loudly, while pointing.) "Because he is not able to walk. God designed everything to be perfect, but sin has made things imperfect. Sometimes that means people can not walk or talk properly, and we can show compassion and kindness and honor the Lord Jesus. Even though they have trouble, God loves them very much. Pointing and speaking loudly is rude, and you may ask me quietly next time you have a question. Why don't you smile and say hello if we pass them."

Walk through the value of a person with them; help them see others as God does.

I had to realize very quickly that my decision in a situation sets a lot of ground work for how my children will handle future situations.

10. The Longer You Live, the Faster Life Goes.

I looked at my 2-year-old Lucy today, and saw how capable she is, how verbal she is, how grown up she is. I am so excited for the independence my children are gaining, yet at the same time I feel as though I merely blinked and 4 1/2 years whisked by. 

Value every moment, and don't sit wishing your time away. God has designed life to be well lived; make choices that reflect your desire to honor Him.

Thanks for reading along. Again, these are simply things I have personally learned. 

If you have something you have learned that you would enjoy sharing, I would love to hear it!

Blessings~

 

Removed

I listened to the phone ringing, and stared at the piece of paper in my hand. Sighing, I wondered if I was mistaken, but I did not remember bringing the book home!
"Public library, how may I help you?"
"Hi, I have a book on my account that I don't believe I actually brought home. There was an error when we used the self checkout, and I don't believe the book was actually checked out of the system; in fact, I believe we left it at the front desk."
After a brief exchange, the lady informed me that she would clear the book from the card, and we wouldn't have to worry about it.

Later this afternoon, I again found the overdue notice from the library on the kitchen counter. Smiling, I enjoyed knowing that I no longer had a debt with the library, and I threw the notice in the trash.

Suddenly, it struck me. Jesus did that for me! I was overwhelmed by the solemn joy in the moment, thinking of the price Jesus Christ paid to remove my sin. My sins were removed from my account; I no longer have a debt before God! The moment I trusted Christ as the Savior of my soul, the only Way to heaven, my Intercessor to God the Father, the Remover of all my sin-that moment defined my life forever.
I am free.

Tears sting my eyes as I think of every reason I should not go to be with God when I die; every time I pain Him with my deliberate ignorance of His love. Yet Jesus loved me, had mercy on me.

And the most amazing part-the enormity of the price He paid, the mercy He shows each and every second-is that He did this for every human being to ever live.
He paid that price for you, dear one!

Rejoice with me today that forgiveness is free, redemption is free, the price is paid!
Trust Jesus Christ with your heart, your soul, your life.
The only true freedom comes when your sins are removed and you are living a life sold out to God.

Are you living that life today?

Thankfulness

I have been reading this book lately:It is beautifully challenging.
I thought it was one of those books that would just help along those naturally happy feelings of thankfulness, and tumble my heart into a glorious feeling of gratitude and quiet. I started to wonder what everyone was raving about, and the first few chapters slipped by with subtle appreciation. I started my own list-a very personal one, something that is meant to be completely raw, genuine, and honest. I loved the challenge of finding thankfulness in each day, and exploring beyond those basics that I am always thankful for. Thank you, Lord, for this day, for my children, for my husband, for shelter, for food.
While I was muddling my way through those early pages, I witnessed situations arising that could be perceived as gratitude killers. I struggled to put words to my thoughts, to my emotions, even as I purposed to find gratitude in an ocean of questions. Then I read Chapter 5, and I am stalled and stunned by how perfectly it fit me here and now. My appreciation for this book has grown, and I'm thankful for Ann Voskamp and her heart in writing this.

If you would like to learn more about One Thousand Gifts and Ann Voskamp, visit A Holy Experience and explore.

"Be thankful to Him, and bless His name." -Psalm 100

Maturity

While in the car today I listened to part of a message on maturity by Charles Swindoll. Since it's not recommended that you take notes while driving, I was thankful to find a bit in summary on his website. Here is a summary of what he states in his message on maturity; I was challenged and wanted to pass this on.

"Be agreeable, be sympathetic, be loving, be compassionate, be humble. That goes for all of you, no exceptions. No retaliation. No sharp-tongued sarcasm. Instead, bless—that's your job, to bless. You'll be a blessing and also get a blessing."

I appreciated this list as well. It sums up the marks of maturity:

• Concern for others that outweighs personal concerns
• Detection of the presence of evil before it's obvious
• Self discipline
• Compassion and involvement
• Tempered emotions
• Consistently growing in God's Word

Would you agree with me when I say that we are never done maturing? Would you also agree with me when I say that we have no excuse for allowing immature behavior in our lives? Consider this passage, also shared by Swindoll as his source for his "maturity checklist":

Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous; not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing. For “ He who would love life and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips from speaking deceit. Let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the LORD are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their prayers; but the face of the LORD is against those who do evil.”
1 Peter 3:8-12

May we be mature, in order to be discerning about our lives.

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
2 Timothy 1:7

Circumstances

"We are not fundamentally free; external circumstances are not in our hands, they are in God’s hands, the one thing in which we are free is in our personal relationship to God. We are not responsible for the circumstances we are in, but we are responsible for the way we allow those circumstances to affect us; we can either allow them to get on top of us, or we can allow them to transform us into what God wants us to be." -Chambers

This blessed my heart today...
to remember Who holds today, tomorrow, and forever...
to thank Him for being able to see this in the life of those who have gone through the most difficult of circumstances...
and to let Him soothe a heart aching for friends that are praying for the life of their unborn child.

Shallow and Profound

As a note of explanation, I have found "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers to be one of the most profound books ever written. I've been doing more reading of it lately, often out of date order, and have been deeply blessed in doing so. I encourage you to check out this website that posts from Chambers' book. It also carries other links to his resources as well. While he is now with the Lord, his influence lingers.

Whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God —1 Corinthians 10:31

Beware of allowing yourself to think that the shallow aspects of life are not ordained by God; they are ordained by Him equally as much as the profound. We sometimes refuse to be shallow, not out of our deep devotion to God but because we wish to impress other people with the fact that we are not shallow. This is a sure sign of spiritual pride. We must be careful, for this is how contempt for others is produced in our lives. And it causes us to be a walking rebuke to other people because they are more shallow than we are. Beware of posing as a profound person— God became a baby.

To be shallow is not a sign of being sinful, nor is shallowness an indication that there is no depth to your life at all— the ocean has a shore. Even the shallow things of life, such as eating and drinking, walking and talking, are ordained by God. These are all things our Lord did. He did them as the Son of God, and He said, “A disciple is not above his teacher . . .” (Matthew 10:24).

We are safeguarded by the shallow things of life. We have to live the surface, commonsense life in a commonsense way. Then when God gives us the deeper things, they are obviously separated from the shallow concerns. Never show the depth of your life to anyone but God. We are so nauseatingly serious, so desperately interested in our own character and reputation, we refuse to behave like Christians in the shallow concerns of life.

Make a determination to take no one seriously except God. You may find that the first person you must be the most critical with, as being the greatest fraud you have ever known, is yourself.

-Oswald Chambers

Waiting

Peter said to Him, ’Lord, why can I not follow You now?’ —John 13:37

There are times when you can’t understand why you cannot do what you want to do. When God brings a time of waiting, and appears to be unresponsive, don’t fill it with busyness, just wait. The time of waiting may come to teach you the meaning of sanctification— to be set apart from sin and made holy— or it may come after the process of sanctification has begun to teach you what service means. Never run before God gives you His direction. If you have the slightest doubt, then He is not guiding. Whenever there is doubt— wait.

At first you may see clearly what God’s will is— the severance of a friendship, the breaking off of a business relationship, or something else you feel is distinctly God’s will for you to do. But never act on the impulse of that feeling. If you do, you will cause difficult situations to arise which will take years to untangle. Wait for God’s timing and He will do it without any heartache or disappointment. When it is a question of the providential will of God, wait for God to move.

Peter did not wait for God. He predicted in his own mind where the test would come, and it came where he did not expect it. “I will lay down my life for Your sake.” Peter’s statement was honest but ignorant. “Jesus answered him, ’ . . . the rooster shall not crow till you have denied Me three times’ ” (John 13:38). This was said with a deeper knowledge of Peter than Peter had of himself. He could not follow Jesus because he did not know himself or his own capabilities well enough. Natural devotion may be enough to attract us to Jesus, to make us feel His irresistible charm, but it will never make us disciples. Natural devotion will deny Jesus, always falling short of what it means to truly follow Him.

-Oswald Chambers

Catching the Little Foxes

I would apologize for offending anyone...but I can't apologize for truly believing something.

Last night, I felt like I was in a slump. I felt irritated at my husband, stressed by my daughter's fussing, and it sort of fluctuated in nature...one minute I'd feel all happy and enjoying talking to Hubs, and the next my brain would find something to nitpick about him.

Highlight: Babes fell asleep in her sling while I was holding her. Just cuddled right up and zonked out. She's never done that before, and my heart was a huge puddle, let me tell you. I just melted over that one.

Okay, back on topic.

Bedtime was fast approaching, and I was snippy. Like I told my Darling, "I just want to start a fight, and I don't know why, because really, I don't ever want to fight with you!" There wasn't any reason to disagree, I just kept being rude, snotty, and he was so confused, poor man.

Than it hit me like an elephant on a freight train: Satan wanted to divide my heart, and steal the joy I could have! I told Scott this, and he agreed. I immediately gave up my attitude to Christ, and we had a lovely conversation after that, and a sweet prayer time before bed.

Here's my point: Don't let Satan be divisive in your marriage. God has given you your spouse for love and encouragement. NOT as a scratching post! Oh yes-discuss things, be a sounding board, have times where you cry together-but don't let anything divide you!

"Catch us the little foxes, the foxes that spoil the vines..." Song of Solomon 2:15

In Christ Alone

Introspective: : a reflective looking inward : an examination of one's own thoughts and feelings. That seems to sum up my days lately.

I wish I could claim perfection. Alas, I am human. I am a sinner; I err. God is perfection; He is holy, He is righteous. I am sin, I am unclean, and yet He has ransomed me.

The more I try to comprehend the magnitude of God, of the sacrifice of Jesus' death, the more I am moved to tears. I simply cannot understand God. And yet I love Him. I am devoted to Him.

I stand by grace alone. In myself, I see the imperfections. The striving to a goal I could never hope to attain, because I will never find perfection in human purpose. God looks at the heart; I believe He sees through the pride, the lies, the conceit, the vanity, the self-incrimination, the criticism, the burning hate of sin, and He loves me. It is too much for me to understand. But this I know:

Because of Jesus Christ, and God the Father, and the Holy Spirit,
I have love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
I have assurance of my destiny.
I have unlimited access to my Father God.
I have Jesus as my Intercessor, and the Holy Spirit as my Guide.
I have the ability to forgive, and be forgiven.
I have a quiet rest for my soul that can never be removed.
I have LOVE.

How often I am selfish. I see how I am not good enough, how I always fall short. I see the blemishes, the extra pounds, the lack of discipline, the minute failures. God looks at all those things, and speaks to my heart. I receive blessing and acceptance, and the knowledge that God makes up the distance I fail. He has created me, and in His image I am beautiful. He gives me self-control, and the ability to make wise choices. He gives forgiveness for any multitude of sins I commit.

I stand on grace alone.

Beloved of God, remember these things for yourself. He is your Creator, Redeemer, Healer and Father. He will never leave you, and will never forsake you.

Come, stand on grace alone.