Ava Grace {4}

 September 28th...

that day my life changed forever.

This little girl revolutionized my world

and threw me into the arena called Parenting.

For all the wisdom I thought I possessed, 

she has proven me inadequate over and over again.

And for all those times, God has shown that He is the only true parent,

and I am just a vessel. 

 Through Ava, God has taught me about 

honesty, integrity, humor,

balance, silliness, structure,

holiness, strength, and honor.

 

 (One year)

Through her eyes the world is a different place,

and yet we are very similar.

She is strong-willed, opinionated, and almost desperate in her quest to make everyone else follow the rules.

 (Two years)

 She is learning right from wrong.

Her vocabulary stumps adults on occasion.

She loves to sing about Jesus.

Memory verses are getting stored away; her heart is tender toward God.

(Three Years)

Now, I am four years into this journey that no one warned me about.

No one told me the way my heart would break when her feelings got hurt,

or how much anxiety when she is unsure about a new task.

I had no idea the frustration she would cause, or the excitement she would take everywhere she goes.

 

She sings, tells stories, narrates adventures for her toys, dances, and loves to be crazy.

Her whole world is a place of twirling happiness...

it hurts when a harsher reality cracks her sphere of sunshine.

 

This girl has the potential to be anything she wants to be.

She can travel, explore, or stay and have her own family.

The future has endless potential for Ava.

 

Ultimately, in everything she does, our desire is that she have God first,

that she choose the Lord Jesus as her salvation.

May her true purpose be in Christ, 

and may that shine to others.

 

Love you forever, sweetheart.

I am so glad you are my daughter.

Five Things Marriage has Taught Me

1. Love extends far beyond what I feel in an impulse or a moment. 

Dating is romantic. He wants to make her the happiest girl on earth, and (let's be honest) she wants to be the most gorgeous girl for him. Twitterpated, they overlook all flaws and float around with stars in their eyes!
 Engagement is sweet. She shows off her ring, and he good-naturedly entertains jokes about "the ole' ball and chain". They make life plans, still with stars in their eyes and roses on the breeze. Marriage counselors try to get the lovebirds to seriously think through challenges and changes that come with tying the knot; some of that advice will actually stick and be remembered in later years.
Then comes marriage! Real life kicks in, and character flaws (once cute or only vaguely annoying) are now glaringly evident in the spotlight of constantly living with someone. It is work to take advantage of those early butterflies-to recall often what it is that you love about your spouse. Being honest is vital, and constant commitment necessary. Devotion and honor are vital, and they build an ever-deeper love that is sustained by a mutual belief in God as Head.
 

2. Secrets can be good things.

I love, love, love that Mr. Wonderful and I have inside jokes. Our senses of humor are so similar! I LOVE THAT. A simple wink, nudge, or single word can have us chuckling together. It's pretty great, I have to say. So, the good secrets are the special ones we have that no one else will ever understand or care to know.

3. "Best Friends" goes far deeper than I could imagine.

I call him Mr. Wonderful because he truly is. Whether he is being daddy or husband or...you guessed it...best friend, all those roles fit together. When I need a shoulder to cry on, or an honest opinion, or a deep discussion, or a kind word of correction, or someone to laugh with me when I make a fool of myself, or someone to be just as embarrassed as I am when I stick my foot in my mouth-that's my husband. That's my best friend. He cares about the things I do, and doesn't belittle my feelings. He is so patient when I'm grumpy, and backs me up as a Mom.
I'm not afraid to tell him he's being ridiculous, and I love the silly jokes he cracks. I love handing him his coffee and giving that goodbye kiss as he heads for work. I love when he baby talks to Olivia, cuddles Miss Lucy, and cheers on Miss Ava's efforts to be a big girl. I love the feeling when I know exactly where something is he's looking for-and it makes him so excited! It crushes me when I disappoint him.
He was strong when I miscarried 3 years ago. He wept with me for the child we've never met. He has been my partner and my coach for the births of our 3 girls. He is strong when I am not, and he always sweeps me off my feet with his love for me.
I love how he'll put his arm around me in public. I love that he's not embarrassed to kiss me, wherever we may be. I love that he is excited to introduce me to people he knows, and I love hearing how much his friends love him. I am thankful for the mutual respect we have, and that, at the end of the day, he is the one I sleep next to.

4. That beauty is really a tiny part of attraction.

Okay, so this part may be a little bit horrible. Ready? Brace yourself. (I'm embarrassed to admit this.)
I used to think that ugly women had bad marriages, and that beautiful women had the best marriages. (Blame Hollywood, maybe?) This misconception carried way past my teens, and I still struggle with my self image.
I know Mr. Wonderful is handsome and studly, and I want to be the gorgeous, young wife on his arm. I don't want him to be embarrassed to be seen with me, and I want to dress in an attractive way that pleases him.
 Now, let's get real. Most days I wear stretchy pants and big t-shirts because children are messy and babies poop and spit up and all that jazz. There are days I actually forget to shower, and my hair is greasy and I probably don't smell great and yet he still hugs me and tells me I'm beautiful. And really means it. That floors me.
Three children have taken a toll. I'm definitely not in my 18-year-old body any more! He tells me I'm beautiful and means it. Wow. That blows me away.
There are days I yell at the kids and apologize for it probably 28.6 times at least. And he walks in the door and tells me I'm a great mom. And means it.
There are days the house is messy. I've had chances to clean while the children are playing nicely, but instead I've probably been on Facebook or Pinterest and cleaned the bare necessities-like the kitchen counter. And he walks in the door and compliments me on the 2 clean spots in the whole house, and loves me, and it amazes me.
There are days I'm at my wits' end with the children, and he walks in the door and I'm not actually mad at him, but since I have to keep in together and set a good example for the children (lest they be ruined, right?), he gets the brunt of my frazzled-ness and my clipped tone, and my aggravation...and he stays, and he settles the home, and he is kind to me. I can't believe how good he is to me!
So you see why I adore this man, right?

5. It's God's way or the highway.

I can be a very hard-headed person. I can be argumentative. I didn't always show proper respect to my parents, and definitely forced my own way more than once. And society only encourages this, whether it's movies depicting parents as complete nincompoops or husbands as blathering idiots who know diddly-squat about being a parent or even a husband. And the longer I'm married the more intentional I have to be to honor my husband. Society is relentless, and my natural tendencies, born of years of begrudging my authority, rear their ugly heads.
I'd say this is the most important thing I've learned from marriage: that if you choose to obey God, to follow the Bible, and to just DO what the Word says, it solves a lot of problems.
"She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness." Proverbs 31:26
"Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." Ephesians 5:33

And by the grace of God, my marriage is wonderful.

 

Observations

I made a late evening run to the store.

Shopping after 8:00pm is always...shall we say entertaining?

One thought always grabs me and won't leave my mind. (I don't think it's supposed to.)

How would everyone's lives be different if they knew how much they are loved?

From the frustrated single mother

to the tired, worn down woman waiting for public transit

and the pregnant girlfriend who is probably looking for true sacrifice and commitment from her boyfriend-

they all need one thing.

Jesus.

I think what lodges in my brain is wondering how; how can I possibly affect their lives in passing?

What if I smile?

Just one smile for the man that looks angry.

Guess what. He smiled back and stood a little straighter.

One smile (and maybe a little honesty in my gaze) for the teenage girl acting out with her friends.

She noticed. She smiled back. She stood a little straighter.

I'll be the first to admit that it's really hard to always feel nice.

People can be frustrating. Annoying.

Sometimes I just want to have my comfortable little box.

Or I feel fat and unattractive. (It's okay, we all have those days.)

But why does that affect how I treat others?

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Love your neighbor as yourself.

(That word, neighbor, in the original text references someone completely opposite of yourself.)

I am implicitly commanded to love everyone.

Not be them, just represent the love God has given me.

So, if I only have a few seconds, and I may never see that person again, and their life is hard and painful...

how do I respond?

How do you respond?

A knee-jerk reaction will flicker across a face in seconds, and it can hurt someone, and we never have the chance to take it back.

So, rather than feeling repulsion or disgust, what if I looked at everyone as created by and loved by the Creator of all things?

How would that change how I treat everyone I ever meet?

Removed

I listened to the phone ringing, and stared at the piece of paper in my hand. Sighing, I wondered if I was mistaken, but I did not remember bringing the book home!
"Public library, how may I help you?"
"Hi, I have a book on my account that I don't believe I actually brought home. There was an error when we used the self checkout, and I don't believe the book was actually checked out of the system; in fact, I believe we left it at the front desk."
After a brief exchange, the lady informed me that she would clear the book from the card, and we wouldn't have to worry about it.

Later this afternoon, I again found the overdue notice from the library on the kitchen counter. Smiling, I enjoyed knowing that I no longer had a debt with the library, and I threw the notice in the trash.

Suddenly, it struck me. Jesus did that for me! I was overwhelmed by the solemn joy in the moment, thinking of the price Jesus Christ paid to remove my sin. My sins were removed from my account; I no longer have a debt before God! The moment I trusted Christ as the Savior of my soul, the only Way to heaven, my Intercessor to God the Father, the Remover of all my sin-that moment defined my life forever.
I am free.

Tears sting my eyes as I think of every reason I should not go to be with God when I die; every time I pain Him with my deliberate ignorance of His love. Yet Jesus loved me, had mercy on me.

And the most amazing part-the enormity of the price He paid, the mercy He shows each and every second-is that He did this for every human being to ever live.
He paid that price for you, dear one!

Rejoice with me today that forgiveness is free, redemption is free, the price is paid!
Trust Jesus Christ with your heart, your soul, your life.
The only true freedom comes when your sins are removed and you are living a life sold out to God.

Are you living that life today?

Sweet Little One

After 15 weeks of pregnancy, I described it as this: "I finally just stopped fighting what was happening, relaxed and let the pain do its work. I stopped fighting what God was allowing, and surrendered my baby completely to Him, knowing that my child would be with Him, and I will meet my baby someday."

I'm absorbing the impact of missing someone so deeply that I never met, never felt, never heard. Last night I sat in bed and thought that I should go take something for my heartburn. Then I realized that I didn't have any...and I cried to my husband that I never thought I would miss heartburn, ever. I felt sadness as I easily buttoned my jeans, and looked at my BellaBand, now sitting forlornly with my other maternity clothes.

Where there is sadness, there is always a greater purpose. At the end of my day, at the end of my tears, at the end of my thoughts, there is this: hope. God has given me endless hope, and endless peace in everything. I will see my baby someday, and I am thankful for that. I am also thankful for the empathy I have gained for other women through this, and I am thankful that I can have more understanding and love for others because of this. God works all things together for good for those who love Him, and he bring joy renewed ever morning! Great is His faithfulness!

Endless thanks go out to those who have lifted us up in prayer and have poured out their support and love to us. I only pray that I can give back in my lifetime.

Blessings to you, and love and peace through the Lord Jesus Christ.

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks. For this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

When it Strikes Home

I recently had an opportunity to watch a video about a very godly man who has poured much of his life's work into helping others. His goal (and widespread outreach) has been to improve the condition of water in third-world countries. His mission is amazing, and his heart for the Lord and for helping others moved me greatly.

Non-profit organizations that help others have been at the forefront of my mind lately. Their help for others and their love for each and every person they help is amazing. I wanted to share some of these with you, and encourage you to help as you are able. It truly is amazing to know you have helped someone. (I think of Matthew 25:40 here.) Here are ministries we have been blessed to contribute to and pray for:

Ruth Harbor is a Christ-centered home for young women who are alone and facing unplanned pregnancies. "Ruth" means compassion; "Harbor" means a place of refuge, safety, retreat, shelter.

Compassion International: "Releasing children from poverty in Jesus' name"

World Vision is a Christian humanitarian organization dedicated to working with children, families and their communities worldwide to reach their full potential by tackling the causes of poverty and injustice.

The Voice of the Martyrs is a non-profit, interdenominational organization with a vision for aiding Christians around the world who are being persecuted for their faith in Christ.


Thank you for taking the time to read this! I know that each person has ways they share, and there are endless possibilities on who to contribute to. I would love to hear of any organization, person, ministry, etc. that you love to give to! As Christ followers and Bible-believing saints, I firmly believe that we should always be looking for ways to show others the love God has poured out on us.

Knowing that our resources come from God fuels a desire to give back to Him with our whole hearts! In every way we give to others, our desire is to glorify God and do everything in His name.